It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
