Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my poor anus
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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