do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We need to rekindle our bromance
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
