A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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