i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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