it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
