just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
