Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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