What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
