Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
