i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
false alarm. still invincible.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
