Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
