he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize