Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Someone shit on the floor
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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