Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
