My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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