just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Success! We fucked roommates!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
