I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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