Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
