My hand turned me down
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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