# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
