I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
