How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
