I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
