You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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