It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
