Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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