and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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