You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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