if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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