New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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