The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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