Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
