she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
