end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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