My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
