The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
