I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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