I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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