I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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