I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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