Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
