im six kinds of drunk right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
