I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
