haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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