like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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