just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
