You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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