awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
