that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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