Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
