I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
