Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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