please come you make the beer taste better
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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