I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
