When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize