My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
