I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
