my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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