i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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