forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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