Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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